I just separated from my husband of 8 years (been together 10 years). We have 2 kids together, and he has 2 kids from a previous marriage. He has problems with addiction, which has brought us to the point of separation before. The last time, I actually moved out for 3 days, but took him back because he threatened to kill himself, and becuase of the kids. He has been hanging out with questionable friends, spending more time there than at home, leaving work early (or not working) and going over there, and using again there. He denies using. I pretty much do everything for the kids and around the house and work a full time job, while he works 2-3 days a week at best. I have felt like a servant to my husband. He had moved his brother in with us in May. My husband lost his job in Aug and we moved in with my mother, who let his brohter sleep on her sofa. Lately my husband has been having severe paranoia- accusing me of cheating with his brother, or trying to entice him. There has never been ANY type of flirtation or anything between his brother and me. I have had enough, and pretty much shut down last week with my husband. He asked if I wanted him to move out and I said yes. He automatically assumed it was to be with his brother, so his brother moved out today as well, to prevent any more accusations. Now my husband is saying that I never showed him any attention or affection during the marriage, and that he takes no blame for the breakup. But he wants to stay together. Each time he comes over to get something, he cries and wants to talk. he keep stexting me as well. This is what happened the first time, but I will not take him back, and think if it weren't for the kids I would have nothing to do with him. He has told all of his friends his side and left me looking like the bad person. I just want to be separated, and have no intentions of taking him back without him entering into a treatment program and treating me better. What to do? SongMeanings | Lyrics | Sergio Mendez - Never Gonna Let You Go::
But now that Ive come to see the light. All I wanna do is make things right I love him so. Log in to reply. You must be logged in to post your comments.
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Let It Go For 2007, by T. D. Jakes::
And if they are not joined to you, you cant make them stay. Let them go. If youre stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.
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Don't take him back. Make it clear you are NOT going to discuss getting back together.
To answer you question: Get a retraining order if needed.
You are doing what is best for not just you but also your kids, no regrets.
You are married and committed yourself to better or worse. Now, listen closely. Get out of the house and get your own place. Or, he needs to leave until he has worked on himself for 6 months to a yar. You are in a dysfunctional environment. Learn to take care of yourself. You have set boundaries but they are unclear. Brother needs to move out today.
Letting Go of a Relationship: How to End a Relationship, Move On, and ::
I let him stay but I just went to sleep. Again, not talking. want him to make the family complete,.I love this other man,i neead him badly
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Seasons India :: Seduction Tips - How to Seduce Him::
Make him lie down on his stomach. Go very slow when it comes to undressing. Slowly lift your shirt or dress, and then let it drop.
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Your husband has an addiction problem and tough love is needed. If he wines and cries that is his problem. This is serious but if he harms himself then that is his problem. Today, take control of your life. Connect with a local therapist who supports marriage, but also is smart enough to know about addiction. You are on a tough road and unles you put the breaks on this now it will never get better. he will always have this struggle but he can learn to live with it. But, if you continue to enable him then he will only get worse.
My best of luck to you. Please check out the resources below. The first two should be available at your local bookstore.
Do what you need to do for you, and for your kids. Addicts don't make good partners or parents.
They'll also blame you for every single thing that goes wrong in their lives, until they wake up and realize that being an addict is the source of their problems.
You can't make him realize that. He may never realize that. Look out for you and the kids. Quite frankly, depending on the age of the kids, I'd limit his access to supervised (and drug/alcohol tested) visitation unless or until he cleans himself up permanently.
Don't get suckered by the manipulative behaviour of addicts. They'll tell you anything they can think of to get you to do what they want, whether that's take the blame for their choices, or return home when you've left. Don't buy it. You have made the only choice you can. You'll likely get a barrage of blame, insults, justification, accusations. Ignore them. Don't take it on as your own. It's the ravings of an addict, and it won't change until he does.
Good luck, and be strong. For you and your kids.
As long as he is using I don't think your kids should be around him either. It is not healthy for them. When the divorce is final try to get full custody of the kids until he is clean. You might need a restraining order. Put your time into your kids, they need extra love and attention. Unless he goes to rehab and stays clean I would stay away from trying to please yourself with a relationship until your kids are grown they come first. Make him prove to you first that he is clean and has been for awhile before you take him back if that's what you want. It's better for the kids to have their dad if he is clean than no dad at all, or a new dad. Unless this new dad is the best dad in the world.
Stick to your guns. Ex was also an alcoholic. But start going to meetings for families of alcoholics. You can't stop him from doing what he is going to do but you can protect yourself and the little ones. That is the most important thing to do right now. Don't let him talk you back again until he gets some counseling now. Don't accept less than you want. One thing about alcoholics is that they start a fight just so they can say"see, you made me mad so I had to drink." Learn what games they play so you can prepare yourself. Good luck.
Stick to your decision this time which sounds like you are going to do. Addiction is not something that you can do by yourself, he does need help and it is only going to be on his own that he accepts help and then he is really ready to get better. Don't give into his threats of killing himself and if he does kill himself, you know that that is not your fault. Your number 1 priority right now, this minute in your life is to take care of you and your kids. Don't text him back, no calls, and don't let him back into the house. Your kids should not be around him if he is on drugs and that goes the same for you. Be strong for your kids and keep yourselves safe. Don't let your husband ruin things anymore. Tell him straight in the face that you are done with him and he should get help and move on. I know it is easier said then done but sounds to me like you have already past the stage of feeling sorry for him. I know that you mentioned that you have been married for 10 years, but sounds like it was a rough 10 years. Take care of yourself...
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How to make him let go? 
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